Wednesday, December 30, 2009


events events events

so the thing is

when i send you a text, that basically means i miss you. 
& when i dont, that just means im waiting for you to miss me

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

december never felt so wrong

listen and feel. 

this is my winter song to you. 

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Saturday, December 26, 2009

i just wanted to tell you i missed you.

"i sent something to you. 
you rejected it. 
i said i missed you. 
Distance won't force it. I miss you, then, and now.

"but it seemed like you needed your distance, i gave it to you."

[i'm sorry i didnt mean to push you away]

i control you


how could i refuse such an offer?

Friday, December 25, 2009

im begging

for just one phone call. 
from anyone. 

im begging 
for just someone to talk to 
i just need someone to talk to. 
its so hard to keep everything inside. 
i cant 
i just cant. 
its killing me.

new doors, new rooms?

sometimes things just hit you, you realize. 
you realize somethings wrong, its either something big or something small, like from betrayal, to just a few words. 
its hard when you realize it, just randomly in the middle of the day, its really hard, its like a punch in the face, but unintentionally. 
you might realize that your soul mate was never your soul mate to begin with. 
or your friends that you call your best friends are not really friends, their just people that are there like they have no purpose their just people that sit with you at the lunch table or people that want to gossip. 
or maybe when you realize that your family aren't what you always thought they were. 
it hurts. 
that moment of realization, that moment when your punched. 
you try to change it but somethings are just to hard to replace like friends, its true yes i can isolate my self from them and just not be bothered to be "friends" with them anymore, but its not easy.
no one wants to be their own best friend, no one wants to sit alone and be labeled as loser, its just human nature. 
change your friends? yes. 
but its not as easy, because you've just come so far that its hard to change your friends, your routines cant easily changed. 
but when you meet someone that is willing to give you a chance open new doors that you thought never existed, how could someone turn down that opportunity. 
i did. 
i did. 
i was stupid and scared and careless & didn't know what to do so i just said no. 
& look at me now, lost & sick of my same routines the same black and white re-runs. 

candy canes & christmas tree's


Wednesday, December 23, 2009


catch me when im falling, spin me around & around, break me when im fixed, save me when im lost, hold me when im cold.
loveme unconditionally.

because thats just the way we roll, okay?

talk to me.

im your person. 
give me a call, ill help you out. 
i promise, this time i wont let you down. 

[stupidthoughtsalways get the best of us]

say goodbye.

dont let him get the best of you.
you deserve better than a jerk.
all you have left are just memories, wipe out the bad ones. 
keep the good ones.
lock them up. 
but for now, the traffic light turned green. 
so go ahead and drive. 

Monday, December 21, 2009

Sunday, December 20, 2009

& so

i wonder;
 do you still think of me?
 did you ever think of me the way i thought of you?

i wonder;
 what is it you think about when our eyes briefly meet for that tiny second. 
 what is it that you think about when you see me?

i wonder;
 were we ever something?
 are we ever going to be something?

[i wonder if you wonder]

my thoughts:

Que Sera Sera. 
Que Sera Sera.

Friday, December 18, 2009

i can see those small lights.

i know for a fact

i know that you, will always love them more than you will ever love me. 

[ i guess ill never know what a real family will feel like]

& so

their was snow & rain.
the skies were grey.
they stood outside, hand in hand.

grey eyes&grey skies.
exactly what she dreamed of.
today my baby girl, today is your day.

& so it rained
& so she sang
& so she loved

i thought about you.

all i have are some keys & the blue in my soul, to remind me of you.

you have nothing.

because if you had a reason for what your doing
just one good reason 
then i would understand. 
but the sad part is that you dont, just because you live in misery. 
does not mean i should too. 

click click click click flash.

indigo on my pallet

stay with me. 
i need you, more than youll ever know. 

[im willing to let it show, just stay]


i lost you 
you found me
i hate you 
i love you 
i hate you 
i love you 
i love you 
i love you 
i miss you 
dont go 
i love you 
i love you. 

Monday, December 14, 2009

what you doing up there

rooftop sessions


i need time.

i think i miss you?

& so i’m sitting here thinking, just really thinking and you’re sitting there drinking, and even though were sitting apart were still together.
& so i haven’t talked to you for more than 5minutes in what is soon going to be a year.
& you might like it that way & possibly i do too. 
there are way too many things "unsaid, undone, unfinished."

but i know i wont leave you.
but i’ll leave this for you: truth be told its not really over. 

Saturday, December 12, 2009


i believe we're in this ride together. 

i want to go to;


come on.

i: look! 
she: where?
i: there!
she: i dont see it
i: you have to believe it, don't you believe there's more ahead for the both of us.
she: i can see it. 

[come on, lets run 'carefree', didn't you 'dust off your previous ashes'. give me a chance, ill be ice instead of fire]

want music?


[Whenever your will starts crashing down that's when you find me.]

Thursday, December 10, 2009

its so cold, light me up.

oh my.

he's so;
      look at my smile, look at my face. 
           he's so; look at my eyes, just look in my eyes.

please just please

dont treat me like a stranger.
dont walk past me.
dont look at me like you have nothing to say to me, cause the way your looking at me screams out " i have so much to say to you "
dont listen to them. listen to you.

[dont think i dont notice you looking at me]

Monday, December 7, 2009

i love

everything about you. 
especially your eyes. 

dont go

you keep leaving.
leaving? is that the only thing your good at, because all we keep on saying is goodbye, will the 18th be the last goodbye ill get from you.

promise me this before you go:
see me. 
call me.
hug me.
inspire me, (once more.)

[dont forget me when im gone]

its not easy to change.

j: im scared too. i want to.
e: why?
j: Because thats just me, im that girl, im that girl who's scared of everything.
e: thats alright. because you know it, now you can change it. 

Friday, December 4, 2009

winter ?

tapping on my window?
oh ill let you in.
you've spent a long time in his heart.

new lesson

just like the wind. it blows, it moves.
i should learn from the wind.
i should learn from the w i nd

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

i get it.

with no words used, i understand. 

but what i dont understand is why?