Wednesday, December 30, 2009


events events events

so the thing is

when i send you a text, that basically means i miss you. 
& when i dont, that just means im waiting for you to miss me

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

december never felt so wrong

listen and feel. 

this is my winter song to you. 

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Saturday, December 26, 2009

i just wanted to tell you i missed you.

"i sent something to you. 
you rejected it. 
i said i missed you. 
Distance won't force it. I miss you, then, and now.

"but it seemed like you needed your distance, i gave it to you."

[i'm sorry i didnt mean to push you away]

i control you


how could i refuse such an offer?

Friday, December 25, 2009

im begging

for just one phone call. 
from anyone. 

im begging 
for just someone to talk to 
i just need someone to talk to. 
its so hard to keep everything inside. 
i cant 
i just cant. 
its killing me.

new doors, new rooms?

sometimes things just hit you, you realize. 
you realize somethings wrong, its either something big or something small, like from betrayal, to just a few words. 
its hard when you realize it, just randomly in the middle of the day, its really hard, its like a punch in the face, but unintentionally. 
you might realize that your soul mate was never your soul mate to begin with. 
or your friends that you call your best friends are not really friends, their just people that are there like they have no purpose their just people that sit with you at the lunch table or people that want to gossip. 
or maybe when you realize that your family aren't what you always thought they were. 
it hurts. 
that moment of realization, that moment when your punched. 
you try to change it but somethings are just to hard to replace like friends, its true yes i can isolate my self from them and just not be bothered to be "friends" with them anymore, but its not easy.
no one wants to be their own best friend, no one wants to sit alone and be labeled as loser, its just human nature. 
change your friends? yes. 
but its not as easy, because you've just come so far that its hard to change your friends, your routines cant easily changed. 
but when you meet someone that is willing to give you a chance open new doors that you thought never existed, how could someone turn down that opportunity. 
i did. 
i did. 
i was stupid and scared and careless & didn't know what to do so i just said no. 
& look at me now, lost & sick of my same routines the same black and white re-runs. 

candy canes & christmas tree's


Wednesday, December 23, 2009


catch me when im falling, spin me around & around, break me when im fixed, save me when im lost, hold me when im cold.
loveme unconditionally.

because thats just the way we roll, okay?

talk to me.

im your person. 
give me a call, ill help you out. 
i promise, this time i wont let you down. 

[stupidthoughtsalways get the best of us]

say goodbye.

dont let him get the best of you.
you deserve better than a jerk.
all you have left are just memories, wipe out the bad ones. 
keep the good ones.
lock them up. 
but for now, the traffic light turned green. 
so go ahead and drive. 

Monday, December 21, 2009

Sunday, December 20, 2009

& so

i wonder;
 do you still think of me?
 did you ever think of me the way i thought of you?

i wonder;
 what is it you think about when our eyes briefly meet for that tiny second. 
 what is it that you think about when you see me?

i wonder;
 were we ever something?
 are we ever going to be something?

[i wonder if you wonder]

my thoughts:

Que Sera Sera. 
Que Sera Sera.

Friday, December 18, 2009

i can see those small lights.

i know for a fact

i know that you, will always love them more than you will ever love me. 

[ i guess ill never know what a real family will feel like]

& so

their was snow & rain.
the skies were grey.
they stood outside, hand in hand.

grey eyes&grey skies.
exactly what she dreamed of.
today my baby girl, today is your day.

& so it rained
& so she sang
& so she loved

i thought about you.

all i have are some keys & the blue in my soul, to remind me of you.

you have nothing.

because if you had a reason for what your doing
just one good reason 
then i would understand. 
but the sad part is that you dont, just because you live in misery. 
does not mean i should too. 

click click click click flash.

indigo on my pallet

stay with me. 
i need you, more than youll ever know. 

[im willing to let it show, just stay]


i lost you 
you found me
i hate you 
i love you 
i hate you 
i love you 
i love you 
i love you 
i miss you 
dont go 
i love you 
i love you. 

Monday, December 14, 2009

what you doing up there

rooftop sessions


i need time.

i think i miss you?

& so i’m sitting here thinking, just really thinking and you’re sitting there drinking, and even though were sitting apart were still together.
& so i haven’t talked to you for more than 5minutes in what is soon going to be a year.
& you might like it that way & possibly i do too. 
there are way too many things "unsaid, undone, unfinished."

but i know i wont leave you.
but i’ll leave this for you: truth be told its not really over. 

Saturday, December 12, 2009


i believe we're in this ride together. 

i want to go to;


come on.

i: look! 
she: where?
i: there!
she: i dont see it
i: you have to believe it, don't you believe there's more ahead for the both of us.
she: i can see it. 

[come on, lets run 'carefree', didn't you 'dust off your previous ashes'. give me a chance, ill be ice instead of fire]

want music?


[Whenever your will starts crashing down that's when you find me.]

Thursday, December 10, 2009

its so cold, light me up.

oh my.

he's so;
      look at my smile, look at my face. 
           he's so; look at my eyes, just look in my eyes.

please just please

dont treat me like a stranger.
dont walk past me.
dont look at me like you have nothing to say to me, cause the way your looking at me screams out " i have so much to say to you "
dont listen to them. listen to you.

[dont think i dont notice you looking at me]

Monday, December 7, 2009

i love

everything about you. 
especially your eyes. 

dont go

you keep leaving.
leaving? is that the only thing your good at, because all we keep on saying is goodbye, will the 18th be the last goodbye ill get from you.

promise me this before you go:
see me. 
call me.
hug me.
inspire me, (once more.)

[dont forget me when im gone]

its not easy to change.

j: im scared too. i want to.
e: why?
j: Because thats just me, im that girl, im that girl who's scared of everything.
e: thats alright. because you know it, now you can change it. 

Friday, December 4, 2009

winter ?

tapping on my window?
oh ill let you in.
you've spent a long time in his heart.

new lesson

just like the wind. it blows, it moves.
i should learn from the wind.
i should learn from the w i nd

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

i get it.

with no words used, i understand. 

but what i dont understand is why?

Monday, November 30, 2009

it was all meant to be

would you believe me or would you agree?

[you cant agree to disagree]

Sunday, November 29, 2009

my tears

are streaming down my face. 
leaving blurriness in my eyes, twisted unclear visions. 
salty taste in my mouth. 
& my heart un-wraping & shattering into pieces. 
i cant pick them up. 

mommy, daddy.

all im asking for is;
the love for your daughter.

they all say;

you don't hate them, you just hate what they're doing. 
but i'm hating who their becoming, & who their becoming is who they are. 

[i want the loving kind, the caring kind. please?]

Friday, November 27, 2009

did i catch your eye?

happy thanksgiving

what are you thankful for?

[i am thankful for; joy&lex&thoughts]

something wrong?

im fine. 
totally fine. 

[fine is not good, not good is bad.]

how about this weekend?

you & i
me & you
should do something, like soon. 
in the near future. 

[blue and purple]

what have i done this time?

i stumbled 
i liked it. 
but where am i?
yet again.

[its not as bad as i thought it was, but i think i fell back to black and white.]


Thursday, November 26, 2009

i hope you know

that your always on my mind. 
& all i wanted was you. 
ill wait for you to come around, but till then ill stay quiet & let you figure it out.

[its so hard to not think of you]

oh but im shy & my colors run dry.


i love you. 
you know that right?

why are you out?

a: its raining. 
j: obviously. 
a: i love rain, you love rain. 
j: & i love you. 
a: i love you too. 
j: no really why are you out?
a: well were looking for this movie & cigarettes & alcohol.
j: sounds fun. 
a: ya not really. 
j: okay bye. 
a: i love you.


the first step

to change; 
is your perspective. 
   lets try sepia from now on.

[& then let go of fear]

Monday, November 23, 2009

i realize.

As my self confidence is pushed down,

and my self esteem is lower than ever,

I realize how precious every friendship, every memory, everyone, everything I've ever came across really is.

cherish, till it breaks down on you.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

your my secret keeper.

please dont let me down. 

[she said: never]

in the weary dark of night.

But Im a little too tired, baby 
Its a little too late 

[i wish i was her]

Saturday, November 21, 2009


i cant keep on like this.

letting go isn't easy. 
but it is easy if you believe it. 
if your willing to do it
for the right or the wrong reasons 
the thoughts going through my mi
should i?
should i take that risk, that step, that chance?
should i leave them 
should i leave him 
should i leave her?
should i go?
should i?

its time for a change 
i need something 
I'm confident
I'm making that move 
I'm walking 
I'm holding joys hand 
& leaving sadness in the sandbox.
I'm moving onto the swings 
the swings. 
yes the swings 

[i dont think im ready, but im taking a risk]

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

your careing but carless darling

Youre careful
When you say hi
Youre careful
When you kiss me, so softly.
Youre careful
When you hold me.
Youre careful
When you call me
Youre careful
When you tease me
Youre careful
When you hug me

You were careful when you broke my heart
You were careful
You split it up into equal pieces
Because you knew that, that way they could easily get put back together.

After that day your still careful with me.
Youre caring
Youre careful

( You can't be too careful anymore)

Monday, November 16, 2009

thank you;

for texting me. 
for caring about me. 
for listening to me. 
for your vibes. 
thank you for meeting me. 
thank you for being you.

[you know me better than i know my self]

Sunday, November 15, 2009


dont you know that im right here?

[i will always be here for y ou]

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

it should.

Creativity takes courage 
- Henri Matisse 

r u n around and round and round

lets go out and play in our puffy pink dresses. 
lets get everything of our minds. 
and think about dolls and tea party's
lets be forever young. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

leave the room.

i have to face the world. 
i need to stop hiding under my blankets & running away like a scared little girl. 

this world is scary. 
you  have to go through so many things.. 
i need to start taking in the sparks of the fire in this life. 

start putting all the pieces to my puzzle. 
finding who i am, and who i dont want to be. 

its no game

i dont wanna play the broken hearted girl. 

Monday, November 9, 2009


you're my bright star

but please
dont shine so bright

try to trytry

shine my dear 

just open up & s h i n e

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

i am

made fully out of flaws;
           stitched with good intentions. 

Saturday, October 31, 2009

happy halloweeeeeen

they call her love.
she is love and she is all i need. 

listen and feel 
let the music take you somewhere. 

[& i lost my faith not only in my darkest days]
you whispered in my ear. 
i love you.

[you didn't mean it, didn't you]

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

blue. rain. keys.

drip drop drip drop 
d r i p 
d r o p 
you see a crack in the sky. 
a flash. 
you hear a loud noise. 
my heart follows the sound. 
rain. so much rain. rain. rain and more and more rain. 
make a wish in the rain. 
wow bright lights and loud thunders. 
this is it. 
this is that sign. 
this is rain. 
today it rained. today i remembered you. 
today you are 18. 
yesterday i loved you. today i love you. and tomorrow ill still love you. 
yesterday i missed you. today i miss you. and tomorrow ill see you. 
today it rained. 
today is the beginning of a new season. 
today is love
[today is all yours]


i loved you. 
and you let me down. 

your winds are trying to get the best of me. 
but their not as powerful as you think they are my dear. 

[you blew me away.]

Friday, October 23, 2009


Thursday, October 22, 2009

but we just keep believing.

the definition of

Trust [truhst] on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2.confident expectation of something; hope.

[how longs it gonna take before you see that she's not me]

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


not alone. 

Monday, October 12, 2009

feel octobers breeze

i will keep the memories

i will keep those memories we had together walking on the beach, our feet in the water. 
our eyes looking up at the stars. 
i will remember which star you pointed to and i will remember when you said " that star is ours "
i will remember when you gave me that one rose, and told me to keep it forever even if i dies. 
& i still have that. 
i will remember that one cold night where you took of your jacket and gave it to me and whispered in my ear " you can keep it to make you warm whenever your cold ".
i remember that wink you gave me while i was walking down the hall. 
i will remember everything we had together. 
i will remember you. 
i hope you remember me. 

[a rose, a jacket, a star and a bunch of heartwarming memories]

Saturday, October 3, 2009


I realize my work is taking a fast change. Some of you love it. Some of you hate it. Either way, I’m just glad it makes you feel something.


at night

lay back with me. 
on the green grass. 
& lets watch the stars. 
lets look at the stars. 

please? lay back and watch the stars with me. 

[& feel the vibe]

Monday, September 28, 2009

leave me.

your stardust to remember you by.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


"you cant destroy the past. 
but you can create the future. "

[create wisely]

Sunday, September 20, 2009

they both

keep your feet on the ground. 


Saturday, September 19, 2009

take this advice;

" smile when your sad, love what you got, & always remember what you had, forgive but never forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, & things go wrong. But always remember life goes on " 
             - jude 

[thank you. i love you]

Friday, September 18, 2009


at the end of the day. 
all i'm gonna have is my; 

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

floating effortlessly

im just going to let the paper hearts in the air fly smoothly to me instead of running after a paper thats gonna land somewhere else. 

[i hope you find me
maybe your not my paper heart but at least you can try. *

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


me of a special you

Saturday, September 12, 2009

i care&stuff

Friday, September 11, 2009


When you just can't think about anything else
And you give so much that you lose yourself
It's a beautiful thing

[ is it really ? ]

Monday, September 7, 2009


someone like you.

amazing cover.

i hope its gonna make you notice someone like me.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


i feel sleepless.
its so hard to sleep when theres so much on your mind. 
when you just cant help but think about; 
or the fact that your crush wont ever like you the way you do?
or how your parents pick sides & there never on yours?
or who are you gonna sit with at the lunch table?
or how can we ever make this work?
or how can i get someone to believe in me?
or whats gonna happen to her?
or how did we end up like this.?

but mostly why is it that im feeling lost. 
when im clearly on the right path. 

and cold
very very cold. 
i need you, the person ive been thinking off the person who is making me sleepless. 
i need you to make me warm.

i need you i really do. 

Friday, September 4, 2009

happy tears

[or sad tears hidden behind a smile?]


because your here. 

its true that "every time is rains, it stops raining" but everytime your hurt you will heal and there is light through the darkness. & everyday you wake up in the morning you might never get to see tomorrow even when you choose to believe that the night will last forever. 
but the truth is nothing will last forever. 
everything has an ending to it. 
the good or the bad. 
so just smile 
and take it in. 
just smile.


i never

said that i wont try. 
i never said i wont brake the doors as soon as i would remember.
i never said i wont polish it until its sparkles. 
i never said i wont be there for you. 
i never said i wont hold you. 
i never said i wont kiss you, because i want to. 
but i wont kiss the tears off your cheeks. 
i wont understand what you say. 
i wont get to see things the way you do. 
i wont remember everything you told me. 
i wont look at you when you don't want to be seen.
i wont feel you when your gone. 
but ill say something anyway 
i will try to feel you. 
i will 
i will 

ill mess up. ill forget. ill fuck up. 
but i never said i wont try. 
i will. i promise, ill trytrytry.

so hard

why did i get myself into this. 

sometimes you have a part of you that really wants to let go, and one day you say im letting go. 
but then you find yourself going back. 
and when it starts to spark up again. 
you let go. 
and then you cant take it anymore. 

cause you just have to go back. 

i dont have to go back. i want to. but i cant. 

[yes they are on the floor.]

i cant


Thursday, September 3, 2009

those three words are never enough

ive gone mad
it all about that moment and nothing else that keeps me going.

Very lost
so many doubts so many doubts taking over the good truths.
so many

my eyes are open, and everything is so clear but
vague at the same time.
very lost very lost

Sunday, August 30, 2009

were so close

Gimme Sympathy - Metric 

to something better left 

listen and feel

what is it?

When you woke up this morning, what is the first thing on your mind? Just as you wake up, what is it you first think off?
Did you ask your self a question, about love, or hate, or heartbreak, or trust or hurt? 
Did you think of your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your mother, your father, your sister, your brother ?
Did you think of someone you've lost or someone you just got, physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually ?

 I wake up every morning, with this fever this mystery this sickness, longing for the closest thing to happiness.

sometimes you just have to realize it
you have to really realize, who to trust who to love. 
& choose wisely to your what your about to do. 
       Would you ever give up a friendship for a relationship 
or love for like? 
                would ever loose trust for doubt?

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Love can be so boring

listen and feel.


because lately all i've been doing is waiting. 
and waiting. 
and hoping. 
just waiting. 

just waiting. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


listen and feel 

" dont

spend time beating on a wall, hoping it would transform into a 
       d o o r "
-coco chanel 

Sunday, August 23, 2009

This Girl

" She can draw, she can paint. 
                                      likes to dance, she can skate.  
                                                                       now she dont make a sound."
-james morrison

dont give up girl.